I can be a real asshole over emails to myself.

 This started before we had the opportunity to create an ongoing bodily practice. I have begun to talk to myself with increasing frequency as I find it helps with just about everything. However, this a sporadic practice and I found that arguing with yourself is difficult if your regular voice represents both sides. So, I have begun writing emails to myself, always on a schedule send for 8 am the following day, using the two emails I have available. This also allowed me to separate my computer, specifically my emails, from their usual numbing temporality. It is a somatic experience that I have daily and, as such, a prime window through which to engage in a daily practice. Here are two recent excerpts, one from before we talked about the bodily practice and one from after.  

Maybe I will post more but there is also the more interesting/concerning habit of walking over subways grates as an exercise in grave hope. 

Dear Ro, 


I think you may have a problem and I am worried you will not resolve it.
I want to drink and lie you know > I want to succeed and achieve stability. 
(i)YOU choose the latter while idealizing the former though the latter holds as much danger as the former but the latter makes (me) you feel okay while the former scares me but the former seems to be more authentic but the latter is fueled by neurosis so is the latter worse than the former?

Should i(you) let go and crash slowly or float just enough to feel my lungs fill up. 
 - Can you reconcile seemingly disparate things?

Fuck you ,
Ro 



Dear You,

You are right. You are fucked.  I walked in the rain listening to ABBA and felt queer but it evaporated quickly. 

Words of the day: Continuance, Continue, Non-Linear, Linear.

I decided to include this in a mystical thing and now it’s all fucking wrong. I can’t write because it is supposed to be something now. 

How do I rescind a mentality so that Can choose again, so that I authentically can, it will feel natural and then finally have Vision.

Please god let me have a vision.

Compassionately,
Ro

Comments

  1. Ethan PhilbrickOctober 11, 2022 at 9:42 AM

    Ohhh, I love the "fuck you" to "dear you" -- this mode of direct address/self address/splitting address. And the proliferation of you's in general too.

    I would love to read more of these.
    And I would love to know what the vision might be...

    Also curious to hear more about subway grates and grave hope.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Julia MuratOctober 11, 2022 at 12:16 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Julia MuratOctober 13, 2022 at 8:22 AM

    I would love to read the other texts after you decide those texts in the mystical practice. How did it change the process? Did it change? It would be nice to see the progression. Some texts before you have decided and some after. I am interest on seeing how our process change in the moment we decide to use it artistically.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ChipOctober 13, 2022 at 11:08 AM

      i rly like the temporal argument with oneself via email! the punctuality, alongside the vulnerability is in a way grounding. making time for internal conflict or something. curious to hear how the correspondence progresses. both sides seem to take both sides. which is interesting and makes me wonder what would happen if the positions were more differentiated, or are they?

      Delete
    2. Julia MuratOctober 14, 2022 at 12:55 PM

      "makes me wonder what would happen if the positions were more differentiated, or are they?" what positions are you referring to?

      Delete

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